They do it for you when you can’t

Don Tamihana was losing weight. Quickly, and for no reason. No dieting, no lifestyle changes — his wife Christine got him to the doctor.

“Twenty kilos. I ended up in hospital. They did all the scans and mri and tests… found cancer in my left kidney.”

That left kidney was removed last September, with the accompanying adrenal glands.

To say it was a shock for the family was putting it mildly. Don summed it up: “I’m a Christian. I’m a provider. I look after other people. This cancer… why me?”

Classical denial. Don says everyone goes through it; it’s part of the grief of getting cancer. Of realising what the cancer will do to your family and loved ones. “Putting my wife through this…” He shakes his head.

Time passed. Another cancer developed, this time in Don’s prostate. Then in May, pain in his back became unbearable, and Arohanui Hospice worked with him to find out what was happening. A new cancer was found in his back; a different type to the cancers at the other two sites. He underwent treatment; palliative radiation, and staff formulated a plan to get better.

Pain reared up again in late July, and Don went into the Hospice’s in-patient unit for more help to manage this. The cancer’s now in his neck and stomach as well as his tailbone. He feels he’s on a fulcrum; things might go forward and improve, or they might go backwards. As a Christian, he’s sure God has a plan for him.

“There’s one more card to play, and that’s God. If I didn’t have God, I would have nothing.”

Either way, he wants to tell people about the amazing Arohanui Hospice. “The doctors, the nurses, the staff, the volunteers… they do an incredible job. They’ve helped me and my family so much. They do it for you, when you can’t.”

The immediate plan for Don is to get on top of the pain, and get home again. Go home, knowing the Hospice is always there, just a phone call away, if there are questions, or if things get difficult.

Being told you’ve got cancer is a shock of the highest order. Don likens it to a spiritual death, and says you just have to sit down and work through it. So many issues to face, so many decisions to make.

“You get through asking why it’s happened to you. You feel depressed, and downtrodden, and that you have no value. Depression. You cry. I’ve cried… and you’ve got to. Got to cry, got to go through it.”

So have his family and friends. Don credits his family and friends as the other half of the team that’s enabled him to cope. “The listening, the kai on the table, the love. You can’t do it without it.”

Don’s attitude to life is always to reach out and help others.

“So, at this stage, I can’t do much to help myself. At the end of the day, you can’t do what you can’t do. But I can say to others that the Hospice is an incredible place, and I can urge them to help support it, and to use its services.” He pauses. “I want to tell people about the Hospice, and what an amazing place it is.”

Those services have been so much more than medical. Hospice workers have helped Don safeguard his family. Legal obstacles were tackled; wills made, powers of attorney drawn up, finances organised. Don’s been a taxi driver for Taxis Palmerston North for about 20 years. He’s the big, warm smile in the brand new Toyota Camry, helping people get to where they need to go. His wife drives as well; she’s working six days a week to hold everything together.

“The Hospice staff took away a lot of the burden for us.”

Don says, looking back, he’s had a good life. Lots of love in the family, good friends. He and Christine have travelled — the North and South America and parts of Asia. Don’s a sportsman; rugby league, tennis, workouts at the gym. And he’s a singer, with a supple voice that lifts from bass through to alto. Loves the old stuff — Elvis, Englebert Humperdink, John Rowles. He’s partial to Hawaiian shirts, particularly the green and purple ones.

Looking forward, he’s got plans to learn the guitar, and to write a book. The book’s title is all worked out: Crawling Through Hell to Get to Heaven.

It’s a certainty that Arohanui Hospice will have a starring role in that book.