“All the better for seeing you.” That’s how Michelle MacGregor would answer, when anyone asked how she was. And that’s a testament to her spirit and courage and love — that she could think of others that way, while she was fighting a losing battle with cervical cancer.
Michelle’s aunty, Maria McRae, knew her niece had cancer; knew she was declining, so the phone conversation with Michelle was not a surprise.
“It was Michelle, and she said, Aunty, I want to die at home.”
Maria mobilised. She lives at Maketu beach in the Bay of Plenty; Michelle was in rural Levin. Maria was with Michelle the next day, and the next three weeks, all the time Michelle had left, was about wrapping the family around Michelle. The family, and Arohanui Hospice.
And in that wrapping process, the Hospice was the paper, the sticky tape and the ribbon, enfolding Michelle and her family in warm, helpful care that completely supported Maria and the whānau to ensure Michelle’s end of life journey was exactly as she wanted it to be.
“I’ve done a lot of nursing. I’m the baby by a long way in my family, I worked in orthopaedics and knew that I could do this hands-on love and care for our Michelle, at least I had some knowledge to help us get through, so the nursing is how you pay it forward, you know? You be there for your family. That’s what you do. But the Hospice, they just made it so much easier.”
Equipment arrived, promptly and correctly. District nurses, paramedics and doctors came, whenever they were needed. The Hospice coordinated visits by carers from the agency Lavender Blue, which sent carers two and then three times a day, to help Maria turn Michelle, to keep her skin oiled and supple and comfortable.
“Anything, any question, anything you needed, the Hospice was there. Practical help. Emotional and psychological support. You could ask anything and not be judged. You just got help. Until you go through this, you don’t understand how much that support helps.” And the Hospice became part of the family.
“It’s a thankless job for the Hospice, District Nurses, Hato Hone, HCP (Tui Hancock and Team), Lavender Blue, Desi. The outcome at the end is always death. Yet they continue to do this over and over, everyday, they become part of the whānau. They helped us give Michelle her dignity, and the love and support that she needed. I can’t say enough good about them all.”
Maria says nursing a beloved member of the family means full focus on that person. Everything else is done on autopilot.
“You’re just with her. You sleep beside her at night, hydrate her, feed her, keep her warm and clean, hug her, kiss her goodnight and say, “I love you”, and we remained constantly beside her, in between chores, “tagging in and out” because we didn’t want her to die alone.”
Maria, Manu (Michelle’s brother), Michelle’s Aunty Bub, and Neen (sister-in-law) were all with her and held her when she passed. This could not have been done, Maria insists without all the whānau support in the background as well – aunties, uncles, nieces, nephews, in laws, cousins, friends, Muaupoko Kaumatua Kapahaka, MTA, mokopuna and mokomoko. And Aunty Chrissy MacGregor and the magic cakes, quiches every day!
She had a final request that was typically Aunty Michelle. The day after her funeral, she’d asked that the whānau get together for a round-robin sports day. She wanted everyone, from the eldest to the youngest little mokopuna, to get together and play some kind of sport so pickleball, and half-court basketball were chosen.
Some of the family wondered about this. But the day of games and laughter, competitiveness, and fun helped so much. The mokopuna who did not partake in the day stayed home and when we all returned –Man! What a beautiful kai – that just topped it.
“We left all the sadness and sorrow on the court,” Maria said. “And the young ones, mokopuna, mokomoko, their Aunty Michelle taught them how to handle grief, what jobs they needed to step up to do – and they did - for her. They did her proud. Michelle loved sport and could be “competitive”. She was an all-round sportswoman, and the games, she knew would bring everyone together.”
Maria says the last word must go to the Hospice.
“We are just so grateful. From myself and all the family, we are so grateful for the Hospice and everything they did. It gave us precious time with Michelle.”
Michelle MacGregor: A talented softball representative player, Auckland basketball team member, netballer and swimmer, adored by all those who crossed her path - the songbird of the whānau who loved to sing and absolutely enjoyed many karaoke nights with her friends and whānau.
The former Upper Manurewa School teacher died recently after a long battle with cervical cancer, nursed at home by her family with help from Arohanui Hospice.
